toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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