I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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