if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's blow job season.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
