Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
