remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
