i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
