toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
