We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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