she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
