And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
