I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
