I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
