At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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