I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
