bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Damn victory sex feels great
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
