dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We are all done wearing pants today
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
