So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
