Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
