Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
