i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
