at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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