I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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