All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
