dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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