Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
