i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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