So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
