if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
