Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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