I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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