you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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