i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
