haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
