You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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