we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
