So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
