i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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