the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
