i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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