Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to stick my p in your. b.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
