shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
