I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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