Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
