the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
