Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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