So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
