So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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