Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
