don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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