he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
