Sry I called you an 8
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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