Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
