YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
