this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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