I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
