So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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