I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
