I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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