I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
