how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sext me about skeletons
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
