i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
