Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
