Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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