Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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