I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
